Query, Take 5

Evie Dalton. She's a spanking new coroner with her very own death-mobile. Her first case - an old man sitting in his easy chair. Cake, right? The problem - he's frozen solid. And the dagger in his chest keeps changing colors from silver to white.
She wants to touch the dagger, but knows she shouldn't.
She really shouldn't have.


Okay, this one's completely different than my previous ones. It focuses solely on the precipitating event rather than the plot. I like it because it's quick and spunky, not to mention modelled on Misery. But I don't know that it gives enough information, and the ending seems off.

Query Take 4 =)

The water beings in Little Fish are based loosely on the Japanese Kappa myth, where changeling fairies control the water, sometimes luring women and children to stay in their world.

While conducting her first murder investigation, small town coroner Evie Dalton became mysteriously pregnant with a child of the water. As she tries to deal with this pregnancy and find out more about the being who fathered it, she discovers links to another murder in the town’s history. This death leads her to a new water being, the woman in the rain, who now wants Evie’s child, and is willing to do anything to get him.


I'm not thrilled with this, because it feels very disjointed, but I think it's getting closer to what it needs to be. I'm sure there will be a take 5 soon.

Reworked Query

When small town coroner Evie Dalton examined the body of an elderly man, found sitting in his rocking chair with a book on his lap and a dagger in his heart, she never imagined that her life was going to change completely. Then she touched the dagger in the old man’s chest, and her mind opened to the watery world his murderer came from. A strange encounter in that world left her pregnant with Little Fish, a child of the water that will have abilities beyond her imagination and control.
Now she must choose sides between the man in the lake, who could protect her and help her understand this child, or the woman in the rain, who wants to take the child from her, giving her the chance to live a normal life. As tries to deal with this pregnancy, she learns more about these creatures, and finds connections to another murder in the town’s history. Along with the deceased’s widow and the town’s sheriff, Evie embarks on a mission to discover the reason behind the deaths, and how they are linked to the fate of her child.

new and improved query

During her first day on the job, small town coroner Evie Dalton examined the mysterious death of an elderly professor. While conducting her investigation, she saw a man through the professor’s window, standing on the lake. She ran to confront this enigmatic man on the water, drawn to him in a way she couldn’t explain. Overcome by the water’s edge, Evie lost consciousness and had an extraordinary experience with him. When she surfaced from this fantasy, the sheriff was giving her mouth-to-mouth, and a bizarre sensation fluttered in her abdomen.
Now she’s pregnant and the woman in the rain desperately wants the child. As Evie tries to find out more about these water beings, and the baby growing inside of her, she discovers connections to another murder from eight years before, and along with the deceased’s widow and the town’s sheriff, Evie hunts down the reasons behind both deaths, and uncovers how they’re linked to the fate of her child.

Submissions started last night. I'm thinking of sending about 2 a day for the next few weeks, then I'm going to let them do their thing and start writing something new. Fingers crossed. I don't plan to post rejections, unless they're highly amusing, so if I don't post anything for a little while, it's okay, just wish me some more luck.

For anyone interested, here is the synopsis:
When small town coroner Evie Dalton examined the body of an elderly man, found sitting in his rocking chair with a book on his lap and a dagger in his heart, she never imagined that her life was going to change completely. Then she touched the dagger in the old man's chest, and her mind opened to the watery world his murderer came from. A strange encounter in that world left her pregnant with Little Fish, a child of the water that will have abilities beyond her imagination and control.
Now she must choose sides between the man in the lake, who could protect her and help her understand this child, or the woman in the rain, who wants to take the child from her, giving her the chance to live a normal life. As she finds out more about these creatures, she finds connections to another murder in the town's history, and along with the deceased's widow and the town's sheriff, Evie embarks on a mission to discover the reason behind the deaths, and how they are linked to the fate of her child.

This draft of Little Fish is officially finished. On the long drive for the holiday weekend, I'm going to take a red pen to it and do whatever line-editing is necessary, then next week it's submission time. Woohoo!

Not dead - just got married =)

Hey - I know I don't post on this blog very often (it's really just a way to comment non-anonymously on other blogs, but don't tell my blog that ;) but I wanted to just come on and say all is well, the book is still coming, and woohoo I got married! =)
Hope writing and life are going well for everyone else.